Instead
of going back into my room, I went into May’s. We used to share a room until
Kenna got married. I sort of missed us being together at night. There was
something comforting about the sound of her steady breathing next to me. She
missed it, too, and some nights she came crawling into my room. Tonight I
decided I should beat her to the punch.
“You
awake?” I whispered as I opened her door.
“Of
course!” Her whisper was full of enthusiasm. I knew what she’d want to talk
about.
She
and I were both in the habit of only using the sheets in the summer time. Her
window was cracked to let a tiny breeze in.
“Don’t
forget to close that before you fall asleep,” I reminded.
“I
won’t,” she half whined. May was at the age where every request felt like being
bossed around. I snuggled in beside her. It was comfortable in spite of the
heat. “America, why don’t you want to be in The Selection?”
She
didn’t mean it the way Mom did. May wasn’t offended by my choice, just curious.
If we had only been born in one another’s places . . .
“May,
I just don’t want to be a princess.”
“Everyone
wants to be a princess.”
“Not
me. I know it sounds nice, but think of all the pressure. People would always
be looking at you and tearing you apart if you make a mistake. And then think
about how the rebels go after the Royal Family. Would you want that to be you?
It’s scarier than it seems.”
May
thought a moment. “But I bet none of that would bother you if you were in love
with Prince Maxon. I bet you wouldn’t worry about anything then.”
Yes,
love was the critical factor in this scenario. “But I don’t love Prince Maxon.
At all.”
“Well
not yet! But you haven’t met him. I bet he’s wonderful. He’s so handsome.”
“May!”
“Well
he is! His eyes are just so . . .” She sighed.
“May,
you have got to stop drooling over every boy you see. Dad hates it.”
“Dad’s
just a grump these days. Besides, I’m only looking.”
I
rolled my eyes, but it was too dark for her to know. I wanted to change the
subject, but really, what else was there to talk about? This would be the
biggest thing that happened to Illeá in almost thirty years. Well, to the
younger set at least.
“Don’t
you think anyone’s handsome, America?”
I
sighed. “Sure I do. I just don’t go around making goo goo eyes at guys just
because they look nice.”
“You
should. It’s fun!”
“May!
Come on. You have got to be kidding me?”
She
just laughed and laughed in the dark. My baby sister encouraging me to be a
flirt! What was the world coming to? It took a minute for her to calm down, but
when she did she got very serious.
“Have
you ever been in love?”
I
coughed.
“Have
you?” she pressed.
“Of
course. I’m crazy for you. Madly in love. I don’t think I could live without
you, which is why I refuse to ship myself off to some palace.”
“You’re
so ridiculous!” she cried.
“Have
you ever been in love, you little mush monkey?” I asked.
“Oh,
all the time!”
I
had to stuff my fist into my mouth. I couldn’t help the laugh. While I worried
for her, I liked May’s version of love. It seemed easy.
We
spoke on an off for almost an hour. It was mostly her speculating how beautiful
the rooms at the palace would be and how yummy all the food would be. The words
became scattered. Then short. And then we didn’t talk for a while at all,
though we were both awake. Then May yawned one big time, and I knew she was
fading. But she spoke one last time.
“America?”
“Yeah?”
“Just
think of all the things you could do if you were Queen . . .”
I
heard the wonder in her voice. As if I’d be some amazing ruler. In reality, I
could barely form coherent sentences and wasn’t always clear on what was right
or wrong. I was opinionated enough, but that didn’t mean much.
Within
minutes I could tell May was asleep from her steady breaths. I snuck out from
her embrace and closed the window as I left. It was still early, all things
considered. I sat awake on my bed for a long time. It was easy now that May had
planted that tiny little seed in my head.
All
the things you could do . . .
