THE
ARRIVAL
“JUST A FEW MORE
MINUTES, miss,” the chauffeur called.
This drive was
taking an eternity. The car was nice and all, no objections there, but I
seriously couldn’t take this waiting. By now all the girls who were from the
West Coast were either in the palace or close to it. In the meantime, I was
wasting precious moments getting to the Carolina airport. Why couldn’t I simply
have left from Clermont? Certainly the palace could have afforded separate
flights.
As we turned onto
the drive for the airport, I began gathering my things, shoving my brush and
mints back into my bag. I checked my reflection one last time as the car
finally came to a stop. I nudged the skin next to my eye. Was that a wrinkle?
No, just the light. Still, if a shadow could do that, imagine what a few more
years would accomplish.
“Miss?” the driver
asked.
I glanced up at
him, still wondering if I really looked as tired as my reflection led me to
believe.
“Would you mind?”
he asked, holding up a magazine opened to a recent ad I’d done for a line of
bikinis.
I tried not to let
my disgust over a much older, fatter man ogling me in basically my underwear
come to the surface. Smiles were important in my line of work, and if I was
going to be the princess, I’d need everyone to adore me. So I made my face
gentle as I reached for the magazine.
“Thank you. My
daughter is a huge fan.”
“Oh?” I asked,
relieved that it was for her.
“Yeah, she’s a
pretty thing and studies these ads more than her math. She wants to model so
badly.”
I squinted. “But
if you’re a driver, she must be a Six?”
“Yeah,” he said as
if his position was somehow secret. No one’s was a secret. “We’ve got hopes to
marry her up, though I don’t think we can manage a Two. But she’s got her
fingers crossed and is working hard, just in case.”
I didn’t ask about
his plans. Sometimes these things involved men looking for trophies. Sometimes
they involved exchanging high sums of money—though less than what it would
actually cost to purchase a new caste. And, on the rare occasion, it involved
love. I didn’t think that was the case with his daughter, and I really didn’t
care.
“Well then, let me
add a special little note for her.” I scrawled “Hold on to your dreams!” over the page, making sure not to cover
myself with ink, then signed my name grandly at the bottom. “Here you go. Tell
her I said good luck.”
“I will! And the
same to you,” he wished as I exited the car.
Luck was fine and
well, but I didn’t need it. I had a plan.
I pulled down my
sunglasses and rearranged the daisy in my hair. This was where it all began for
me—this was my first opportunity to show the other girls they were looking at
their future queen.
I knew the
competition, and I was the only Two who had any sort of clout coming into this.
Some of the others might have more money, but I already had an adoring public,
something the monarchy could not overlook. And anyone below a Two? Well, she
was wasting everyone’s time.
I pulled open the
door and sauntered into the airport. The other girls were easy enough to spot
with their dark pants and white shirts, so I made a direct line for them.
Behind my sunglasses I could see that coming in strong was already working.
Ashley the Three looked brokenhearted by my mere presence, and Marlee the Four
seemed equally dazed. Oh, and there was the Five! America. I knew she’d be in
my group since we were coming to Carolina, but I was surprised. She looked
pretty polished.
I felt certain
she’d be amusing to watch. There was absolutely no way a bumpkin like her was
going to make it through the first day alone without humiliating herself, all
done up or not.
“Hello,” Marlee
greeted, though it sounded more like a question.
I pulled off my
sunglasses and gave her a once-over. Pretty enough, but her hair seemed thin.
And if her eyes always looked that worried, she would be gone within a week.
“When do we
leave?”
“We don’t know,”
America replied, her tone surprisingly sharp considering she was talking to a
superior. “You’ve been holding up the show.”
I took her in as
well. I wished I could have called her ugly, but she was even prettier in
person than in her picture. And she wasn’t a wilting flower, which might
actually do her some good in this situation. Maybe she’d be less entertaining
than I thought.
“Sorry, quite a
few people wanted to see me off,” I answered. Undoubtedly she was trying to remember
where she’d seen my face before. Reminding her I had fans might jog her memory.
“I couldn’t help it.”
She didn’t seem to
recognize me. Oh, well.
The pilot showed
up, and I won him over instantly. I didn’t need these pathetic girls’ approval,
but I definitely intended to get everyone else’s.
We boarded the
plane, and it was rather obvious that America had never flown before. I doubted
she even had a car. I watched as Ashley pulled out paper, already documenting
her experience, and Marlee buddied up with America instantly. For all the
luxury in my life, it was hard to compete with a royal private plane, and I
wanted to gush to someone about the leather seats and the delicious champagne.
There was a phone by my chair, so I could have called someone. But who? My
harebrained mother? My agent? My manicurist who spoke in broken English?
There was no one.
I pulled the eye
mask on and pretended to sleep. Besides, I was looking tired, and maybe the
rest would do me good.
I lay there,
fantasizing about life at the palace. I would make a spectacular princess. I
mean, put Maxon and me side by side, and we were nearly a replica of his
parents. How gorgeous would we all look in photos together? I could see it
coming together. In my head, I batted my lashes and looked at the prince
playfully from behind a fan, making him fall for me a little more each day.
“Celeste, on the
other hand . . . ,” someone whispered.
Without moving, I
tuned my ears to the conversation.
“I know. It’s only
been an hour, and I’m already looking forward to her going home.”
I recognized that
as America’s voice, so the laugh that followed must have belonged to Marlee.
“I don’t want to
talk badly about anyone, but she’s so aggressive.” Yes, I am. Thank you for
noticing. “And Maxon’s not even around yet. I’m a little nervous about her.”
I suppressed a
smile, pleased with myself. I felt bad for the other girls, but they would
simply have to go. I was born for this. I needed it.
“Don’t be,”
America replied calmly. “Girls like that? They’ll take themselves out of the
competition.”
My smile
immediately faded. What did she mean? I was going to be the paragon of
competitors. Beautiful, famous, wealthy . . . I’d be surprised if I wasn’t
Maxon’s first date.
I’d told myself I
wouldn’t let these girls get under my skin. My intention was to stay aloof and
focus all my attentions on the prince. But I was starting to wonder if I needed
a secondary plan . . . something that would keep the others aware of just how
little they were. I kept my eyes hidden away, and I schemed.
THE
KISS
I TRAILED MY LIPS
DOWN Maxon’s neck, wishing it didn’t seem like work. He was handsome enough,
and funny on occasion. For goodness’ sake, he was the prince. Shouldn’t that
make every last second exciting?
More than
anything, I just felt tired. The effort it took to be like this all day every
day wasn’t sustainable. My hope was that once I won, I could be myself all the
time. I was softer than this, quieter than this. But if I let up now, I sensed
it would all be over.
With Maxon I
always needed to be on. I had to be charming, entertaining, sexy, poised, and a
thousand other qualities girls are expected to have all at one time. And while
I knew I was capable of being every last one of those things, it was nice to
take turns and switch off the humor for a moment to be sad or turn off sultry
and be cute.
And when I wasn’t
with him, I had to be on constant guard with the other girls. It was getting
easier since Marlee eliminated herself and Natalie was too ditzy to be a real
threat. I’d put Elise under so much pressure that I was sure she’d crack any
day now, and America’s spirit had been broken ever since the people turned on
her. It was going to come down to Kriss and me—I knew it. She was the only
thing standing between me and eternal fame.
I dug my nails in
Maxon’s hair and shivered a little when his fingers traveled down the length of
my bare back. It wasn’t a terrible feeling, but I could tell within the depths
of myself that something was missing here.
My body went into
autopilot, running a hand across his chest and teasing him with my lips as my
brain worked overtime.
Maxon was a
gentleman . . . but he was still a man. How many sweet words would it take to
get him out of this hallway and into my bedroom? If I’d timed things right—and
I felt pretty sure I had—this night could take me to the end without much more
work. A prenuptial pregnancy would require the Selection to come to an abrupt
halt and a wedding to follow immediately after. And I knew he wanted children.
After all, he talked about it all the time. He probably wouldn’t even mind.
I wrapped my leg
around him, sighing. Maxon seemed blissfully content as he lowered his mouth to
my ear.
“I’ve never really
kissed anyone quite like this.”
“But you do it so
well!” I teased, leaning back into him.
I could get him
upstairs, I was sure of it. He was desperate for this attention, desperate to
feel something. I’d be able to give
him that.
I moved my lips
back down to his neck, and he tilted to make it easier. I giggled and kissed
him again, listening to him sigh.
Had I done my job
so well that he really loved me? He was so happy here, so grateful for my
kisses, he must. The only alternative was that he was as lonely as I was, and
anyone would do for now. But, again, he was a gentleman.
I felt his body
turn to stone, as if he suddenly lost interest.
No, no, no!
I moved up, biting
his ear, something that he’d seemed to enjoy. I kissed his chin, ahhing as I
went. I moved my hands down his arms, trying to lace his fingers with mine. . .
.
Nothing worked.
I pulled back and
looked sweetly into his eyes. “Something wrong, honey?”
He was staring
into the dark, and I turned to see what he was looking at. As far as I could
tell, the hall was empty.
“I have to go,” he
announced.
“What? No, wait,”
I pleaded as he began to move. “I have a wonderful evening planned for us.
There’s so much more I want to show you.”
Maxon paused,
gazing at me in confusion. “Show me?”
“Yes.” I got close
to him, my nose brushing up against his cheek. “In my room.”
I pulled back to
look into his eyes. I wished I could have seen what was happening in his mind,
but it didn’t appear to be a debate. More like he was searching for the kindest
way to let me down.
“I apologize. My behavior
tonight wasn’t appropriate, and I led you on. You are a very beautiful girl.”
He smiled. “No doubt you’re aware. Still, I shouldn’t have. . . . I’m sorry.
Goodnight.”
Maxon rushed up
the stairs before I could think of a way to lure him back, taking the steps two
at a time.
What. Just.
Happened?
I slipped off my
heels, scurrying up the stairs. An apology was not an explanation, and I
demanded one. I could hear his hurried footsteps, and I chased after him,
prepared to give him a piece of my mind. At the second-floor landing I hid
behind the corner as I watched him turn down a hallway on the far end of the
wing. Only one person was left on that side of the floor.
After everything
that just happened, he was running off to America Singer?
I stormed down to
my room, slamming the door behind me.
“My lady?” Veda
asked. I threw a shoe at her, followed quickly by the other.
“GET OUT!” I
screamed. “All of you! Out!”
My maids covered
their heads and ran, trying to escape before anything else could hit them.
I tore pages out
of books and flung canisters of scented powder at the wall. I pulled at my hair
and ripped the sheets off the bed. I looked around, searching for things to
ruin. Nothing in the room was really mine . . . except for my dresses. I sat on
the floor of my closet shredding chiffon and lace and satin. It felt good to
destroy something.
I needed scissors!
That would make this so much better.
I went over to my
vanity, scouring my drawers for the trimming shears Veda used on my split ends.
And I caught a
glimpse of my reflection.
I was covered in
sweat, lip gloss smeared from kissing a boy I didn’t love, in the dark. My hair
was a bird’s nest, and my eyes were wild.
I’d never looked
so ugly.
“What are you
doing?” I whispered to the unrecognizable girl. I shook my head at her, nothing
but pity for this very beautiful thing who had turned into a monster.
I dropped
everything in my hands back into the drawer and went to the shower. I shed my
Band-Aid of a dress and crawled in, letting the water hit me as I rested on the
porcelain.
He went to
America. He got all worked up with me and ran off to her. Did he have her up
against a wall now? Did he have her in the bed?
I dismissed the
thought. Whatever he was, she was too pure to be swayed.
I wasn’t jealous.
I wasn’t even irritated. More than anything, I felt dirty.
Was this worth it?
After all this
time in the spotlight, a lifetime of being adored, I refused to fade into the
background.
As princess, as
queen, I would be remembered forever. I needed that. . . .
But was it worth
sleeping with someone who I didn’t really care about? Having a baby that I
didn’t really want?
I sat up in the
shower, lifting my head to the spray, rinsing off the thought. Maybe I owed one
to America for saving me from myself tonight. Not that I’d ever tell her.
Toweling off, I
walked back into my room, shocked at the mess I’d made. I remembered doing it,
but I didn’t think it was that bad.
First things
first. I brushed out my hair. I couldn’t have it all knotted. I put lotion on
and found a decent robe.
Then I went over
to the buzzer, calling for Veda. I wondered how quickly she’d come after I
threw a shoe at her head.
Looking around the
room, there were a handful of things I could take care of myself. I remade the
bed and tidied up my vanity. By the time Veda showed up, hands pressed to her
chest in worry, I’d done all I could.
“You’ll need a
broom,” I told her as she stared at the mess. “And . . . bring a second for
me.”
She brought them
back faster than I’d have thought possible, and I worked on the paper while she
took care of the powder. I bundled up the ruined dresses for her, and she
picked the scraps off the floor.
“Sorry,” I
whispered.
Her eyes widened.
I’d yet to apologize for anything.
“Don’t worry, my
lady. We can always use the extra pieces.”
When my room
looked normal again, I crept into bed, more tired than I’d ever been. It wasn’t
just this one day weighing on me—it was dozens.
I couldn’t give
up. But it was becoming clear I also couldn’t carry on. Not like this.
Love was not in
the equation. I could live with that. But how could I make myself more valuable
to Maxon than someone he did love? I had plenty of prized qualities. I simply
had to make him see. I had to show him that I could be queen.
THE
DEPARTURE
“DO YOU THINK
SHE’LL COME back?” Elise wondered aloud, slipping her feet into another pair of
shoes. I thought that particular pair had been given to me, but there were so
many presents, it was hard to keep track. We hadn’t even bothered to pull any
of it out of the parlor that Maxon had set aside for us to have our own
Christmas celebration, just him and the Elite. Hers or mine, I wasn’t going to
fight about it. We were well past that now.
“She’ll come
back,” I insisted. “She’s not a quitter.”
Kriss pulled the
fur wrap across her shoulders, a definite sign she was leaving if anyone asked
me. Why in the world would Maxon give her fur
if he was planning to keep her in Angeles?
“I don’t think her
quitting is really the issue,” she mused. “It’s more about her being able to
bounce back. You saw how she was after Marlee left, and this is her dad. I’d be
a wreck.”
“Me, too.” Elise
confessed.
“Same.” I looked
at the pile of gifts, wondering if Maxon would give me a spare suitcase to take
it all home. Surely I’d be heading there any day now. If anyone sat Elise,
Kriss, America, and me side by side, I’d still easily look like the obvious
choice for a princess. I could admit there was a part of me that held out hope
I would somehow pull it off. . . .
But I knew—maybe
even before Maxon knew himself—that it would be America.
The last vestiges
of my vanity needed it to be her. The thought of losing to anyone but her sent
me into a tailspin. She was my only worthy competitor.
She was also,
maybe, my only friend.
I didn’t think
she’d call me that, not when she had sisters and still talked about Marlee as
if she was around. But that was fine. I didn’t need anyone to call me her
friend at the moment. Having someone to call mine was enough.
Maybe I could work
on that once I got home. I could bribe my way in with some of these jewels,
probably.
“Let’s make a
promise,” Kriss said. “Next year, no matter where we are, let’s all send one
another Christmas cards.”
I smiled. I was
going to get cards next year.
“America would
like that, I think,” Elise added. “Something to take her mind off the sadness
this season will have.”
“Excellent point,
Elise. It’s a promise.” She and I shared a look. It was unlikely I’d ever have
her true forgiveness, but to speak to her amicably was a huge step, more than I
deserved.
“Should we send
for some baskets?” Kriss asked. “I don’t even know how to begin getting all
this to my room.”
“He’s too
generous,” I said, meaning it in the core of my heart. Maxon Schreave had been
too good to me.
“Who’s too
generous?”
We all turned at
the sound of Maxon’s voice, rising from our seats.
“You, of course,”
Kriss gushed. “We’re still trying to sort through this pile of gifts.”
He shrugged. “I’m
just pleased you liked them.”
“All very
thoughtful.” Elise’s voice got so much quieter when he was around.
He smiled at us in
turn, looking into each of our eyes purposefully before clearing his throat.
“Elise, Kriss,
would you please return to your rooms? I need to speak with Celeste alone. And
I’ll be coming to visit each of you shortly.”
My body went cold.
This was it! Everything was coming to a close, and he was going to tell me now.
I wondered if this was what it felt like right before you faint.
“Certainly.” Kriss
curtsied and headed to the door, an anxious Elise following her.
Maxon and I both
watched her scuttle away, her jet-black hair hiding her face as if we wouldn’t
notice her as long as there was no eye contact. Once she was gone I giggled a
little, and Maxon shook his head.
“I think I bring
out her nerves.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Everything brings out her nerves, but you’re certainly the worst.”
He narrowed his
eyes. “But I’ve never made you nervous. Not even in the beginning.”
I smirked. “I’m
not the type to get easily intimidated.”
“I know.” He
circled around, coming to the couch I’d been using. “Sit, please.” I joined
him, smoothing my dress. “That’s been one of my favorite things about you,
actually. I admire your tenacity, your hunger to live. I think it will serve
you well.”
“After I leave the
palace, you mean?”
His smile
dwindled. “Yes. After you leave the palace.” He shook his head. “There’s no
hiding anything from you, is there?”
I pressed my lips
together, trying so hard not to cry. Part of me felt relieved, but a bigger
part was crushed.
I lost.
“I intended to
explain everything before that came out. I still can if you like.”
Have my list of
faults read aloud? No, thank you.
“It’s fine,” I
answered in the most cheerful voice I could muster. “Wait, is it Kriss, then? I
mean, America’s gone, and you can see how fragile Elise is.”
Maxon straightened
up. “I’m not at liberty to comment on the possible winner. But America is on
her way back to the palace.”
“She is?” I asked
breathlessly. I was thrilled! Because I knew her returning meant she won. If he
didn’t want her, he wasn’t cruel enough to bring her all the way back to the
palace for a rejection.
“Yes, she should
be here tomorrow.”
“Will . . . Do I
have to leave right away, or can I stay to see her?”
I saw the
confusion flicker across his eyes. While I had dealt with Elise in more direct
ways, my method of taking down America involved subtle digs at her in front of
Maxon. Well, maybe not always subtle. No doubt my excitement to see her again
was a surprise to him.
He leaned across
the couch, placing a hand on my knee. “You’re not leaving yet. I’ve invited
everyone back for a last hurrah.”
I covered my
mouth, shocked and pleased. There were so many apologies owed on my part that I
never thought I’d have the opportunity to give. Without even knowing it, Maxon
was too good to me one last time.
“All the Selected
will be here for a personal gathering, and then we’ll have a banquet and make
the final announcement.”
I placed my hands
on his, tears brimming in my eyes. “I want to sit here and tell you that I
would have been good for you. I want to tell you I would have been so loyal, so
proud. . . .” I shrugged. “Truth is, I would have been good for me. I don’t
know if I can love someone, not the way you love her.”
Even without
saying America’s name, I could see the way the light changed in his eyes at the
thought of her. “I think you can. Maybe not today,” he conceded with a pointed
look.
I chuckled.
“And there’s no
need for you to right now. Love only yourself a little bit longer, until you
can’t stand not to love someone else.”
I nodded. “Thank
you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I wiped at my
eyes, making sure to keep my makeup in place. “Listen, when you tell Elise, be
gentler than you think you need to be. She’s . . . I don’t know what she’ll
do.”
His brows knit
together. “I’m going to see her next. The conversation with Kriss will be a
happy one, and I knew you were too tough to let it bring you down. But I’m
worried about Elise.”
“Maybe bring some
booze?”
He laughed. “I
might just.” He gazed into my eyes. “Are you all right?”
“Surprisingly . .
. yes? It’s kind of nice for it to be over. And I’m happy for . . . other
people.”
“I think big
things are on the horizon for you.”
“Maybe. Look,
let’s not drag this out. I’m fine, really. And you have some other girls you
need to speak to.”
He sighed. “I do.”
Leaning in, Maxon gave me a last kiss on the cheek. “I will never forget your
fire. I can’t wait to see what you do.”
With that he
pulled away, exiting the room with only the smallest look back.
I leaned onto the
couch, disappointed and grateful at the same time. America had told me I didn’t
need a man to get what I wanted, and she was right. Maxon told me to love
myself a little bit longer, and that was good advice.
I’d walk out of
this strong, dignified. I was in the top four of the Elite. That was no small
accomplishment. And I was still young, still pretty, still ambitious. There
would be more for me.
I sat up and
surveyed the room. Elise, in her dash to get away, had left the golden shoes on
the floor. I reached over and put them on.
They fit like a
dream. Whatever she thought, I remembered opening the box with these shoes
inside, and they were definitely mine. I stood, walking in them back to my
room.
They were the
perfect shoes to take steps into a new life, one that would start when America
became Maxon’s fiancée and I left the palace.
For the first time
maybe ever, it didn’t matter if I looked beautiful or not. I felt it.
