This is from the
beginning of the book. It was cut to help keep the pacing up, which I agreed
was the right thing to do. But it is a tender scene between Alexa and Marcel,
and one that I think sheds even a little bit more light on their relationship.
I sat huddled on a log, chilled even
though the heat of the humid day still clung to the limp breeze that tugged at
my newly shorn hair. I reached up self-consciously, rubbing the back of my
neck. Tears burned painfully close to the surface, but I couldn’t let them out.
“Here you go, Alex,” Marcel said as
he took a seat next to me. He held out a plate with some sort of hot, mashed up
plantain concoction, one slice of mango, and a hard roll next to it. “Army
rations.” He shrugged and bit into his roll. “At least it’s hot.”
I stared at my twin, at the amazing
nonchalance he pulled off so effortlessly. How could he act like that, as if
this was some great adventure we’d embarked on? Instead of a desperate decision
made moments before the army showed up to collect the orphans after the raid on
our village. The one they were too late to stop.
“You need to eat,” Marcel said,
softer this time, nudging me with his elbow. “You look too much like a girl.”
“That’s because I am a girl,”
I growled, my voice low. I stared into his hazel eyes and noticed that they
were bloodshot. He nodded encouragingly at my plate, and I forced myself to
take a bite of the plantains. They were almost tasteless, but helped ease the
ache in my belly that I hadn’t even noticed until then. Before I knew it, I’d
eaten everything on my plate.
A whistle sounded in the distance,
and all around us men began to stand, tossing dirt on the fires, stomping them
out. They seemed in a hurry to get to bed. Within minutes, almost everyone had
retired to their tents.
Marcel stood next to me, watching
the organized chaos of the army camp. We were close to the same height, but
he’d started passing me up in the last six months, and my shoulder was just
barely below his now.
The sun had long since dipped behind
the foliage surrounding us, sending shadows sliding along the camp. In the
distance a flock of macaws took flight, their feathers a splash of vibrant
color against the falling darkness. We’d marched all day, straight in to the
jungle, heading for Tubatse, the capitol city of Antion. We’d heard rumors that
once we reached the capitol, they’d hold fighting competitions to decide where
to place all the new recruits in the army. If Marcel’s new friend Rylan was to
be believed, the best fighters would be placed at the palace and have a chance
to train for a position on the personal guard for the prince, or even the king.
And I was very good at fighting. Maybe if I could work my way into a
position guarding one of the royal family, I would be able to do something
to put a stop to this war.
Before the entire country of Antion
became a nation of orphans and soldiers.
I followed Marcel in to the tent
we’d been given to share. We each had a thin, gray bed roll to sleep on and a
thin, gray blanket. No pillows. No kiss goodnight from Mama. No murmur of our
parents’ voices over the crackle and hiss of the fire in our hearth as I
drifted off to sleep.
Instead, I lay across from Marcel,
my chest so tight, it felt like someone had reached in, past my ribcage, and
gripped my heart in an iron-tight fist.
The tears I’d worked to hold in all
day finally leaked out, dripping across the bridge of my nose, down my temple,
to pool in my hairline. I squeezed my eyes shut, against the tears, the pain,
the loss and grief that consumed me. Mama and Papa were gone, our home was
gone, even Alexa was gone. For the rest of my life I had to pretend to be Alex.
“Don’t cry, Alexa,” Marcel’s whisper
was my undoing. My whole body convulsed with sobs. I buried my head in my
blanket, trying to smother the sounds of my crying. I felt him scoot up next to
me, and put his arms around me, pulling me close. “Sshh.” He stroked the
hair—my short, ugly hair—back from my face. He was all I had left. My twin, my
other half. We’d grown up training side by side, as if I’d been born a boy. But
I never thought I’d have to pretend like I was one.
“It’s better this way, you know
that, right?”
I nodded, taking a deep breath of
air, forcing myself to choke the tears back.
“I couldn’t let them take you to one
of the breeding houses.”
I pulled back a bit, reached up to
wipe the tears off of my face and let my hand trail to the side, forcing myself
to touch my short hair. “I know. I’m glad you thought of this. I’ll be okay. I
just have to get used to it.”
Marcel scooted back over onto his
own bedroll, but he still reached out, taking one of my hands in his. I
squeezed it tightly, then let go. “If someone walked in and saw you holding my
hand, we’d never hear the end of it.”
I could see the guilt and pain on
his face as he pulled his hand back and yanked his blanket up over his
shoulders.
“We’re going to be okay,” I said,
trying to convince myself as much as anything. “If your new friend Rylan is
right, we’ll have the chance to prove how good we are. We’ll beat everyone and
be in the personal guard for the king before you know it.”
“I never thought I’d say this, but
now I’m glad you trained with me,” Marcel said.
“Me, too.”
We were silent for a minute, until
Marcel’s breathing grew steady and deep. I rolled onto my back and stared at
the canvas ceiling above me. I was going to Tubatse. If Mama knew we were going
there now, after all the effort they’d made to live as far away from there as
possible—away from the king’s grasp, from his army and breeding houses—what
would she think?
It didn’t matter. She was gone.
It was just me and Marcel now.
Outside our tent, a howler monkey
screeched, somewhere above us in the trees. I pulled the blanket tighter around
my shoulders and scooted a little bit closer to Marcel. At least I still had my
twin by my side.
