This is a scene
I (LP) chose to remove because I wanted Jake and Zoe’s relationship to progress
a bit differently. However, I really liked it and didn’t want to get rid of it
completely. So, here’s the scene I removed where Zoe see’s Jake more clearly,
telling her more about him, how he feels and about his past. Their connection
is obvious, although they are clearly still struggling to open up to one
another.
I like that this
scene shows how desperate Zoe is to understand Jake better. She’s finally
thrown her hands up and is willing to dive in, no matter the outcome. She
finally gets what she’s wanted throughout the book, but now that she has it,
she’s unsure what to do with it . . . what she learns is definitely
enlightening.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“You okay?” Jake’s voice was low and
resonated deep inside me someplace, stirring a memory I couldn’t quite remember
as it tried penetrating the edge of my mind.
“Yeah,” I said leaning my head back
on the couch. “I’m a mess, but we all know that. Now we can add drunk to the
mix. Yippee.” My arms flailed emphatically before resting back again.
Jake smirked and walked towards me
from the doorway, his forearms flexing as he pushed up the green sleeves of his
shirt I’d watched him remove at the gym earlier.
Oh
my God, Harper’s right. I did find
every opportunity I possibly could to stare at Jake.
Everything about him exuded
masculinity. Walking towards me, I couldn’t glance away. His muscular frame,
contemplative topaz eyes and prowling gait made it impossible not to breakout
in a sweat.
Motioning to the couch, he asked to
sit. “Of course.”
I busied myself petting Cooper at my
feet until I could think of what it was I really wanted to say to him. There
were a million things I’d wanted to talk about, but I had no clue where to
start.
“I feel like there’s so much to say
to you, but I’m not sure where to start and if now’s the best time to say them,”
I laughed, pointing to my half empty drink beside me.
“Maybe nothing needs to be said,” he
offered as if he knew what was on my mind. Resting his elbows on his knees,
Cooper meandered over to him, placing his head in his master’s big, strong
hands.
“It does. I’m leaving soon and I
need to say things before—”
“You’re still planning that, uh?”
“Yeah, I am and let’s not go back
and forth with why I’m going and why I shouldn’t be going. I know what everyone
thinks, I know it’s something you probably don’t understand, but I have to do
it. I’m one person, I’ll be fine.” When he said nothing, I continued. “It’s
easier to take care of one person instead of seven, right? Besides, I told my
brother and Dani about the Colony, we’re not meeting there, so you don’t have
to worry about that.”
Letting my words sink in, I found
myself glancing at him from where I sat, anticipating what he might say.
“What does Harper think about all
this?” his voice was serious and his eyes gleamed in the light of the fire,
unmoving from my face.
“Harper doesn’t have a say. No one
does. Why does everyone keep saying that? I’m a grown woman, I may not have any
brute strength, but I’d like to think I’m smart enough to hide and survive for
a few days. I’m not going out there completely unarmed.” I looked at him, “It’s
my decision and I really don’t understand why everyone seems to think they can
change my mind. It makes me want to go all the more,” I admitted.
“I know,” he said as if I’d stated
the obvious. Narrowing his eyes, he looked away, scanning the room for answers
he wouldn’t find.
“Plus, since the transfusion—”
“You don’t know that’ll work,” he
said breathily.
“You’re right, but it might. I
recovered from near death in three days, Jake. It’s a possibility.” Just
looking at me, I could practically hear the wheels turning in his head.
Interrupting his thoughts, I continued before I lost my nerve. “You saved my
life, again.”
His eyes turned fierce and he shook
his head. “Don’t. I brought that crazy bitch here. It’s my fault she—”
“Stop blaming yourself for
everything!” I snapped. Taking a deep breath, I said with a weary voice. “Jake,
you can’t read minds, I can,” my admission surprised me, but it was something I
was trying to come to terms with. “Do you know how stupid I feel? I not only
know who and what people are, I had a feeling she was crazy and I ignored it
because I’m too stubborn and didn’t want to deal with whatever the hell’s
happening to me. Look where it got me.”
Brooding beside me, he remained silent.
“You need to let go of this whole bodyguard persona. You can’t protect people
all the time. You’ve already saved my life, twice. You shouldn’t have to be
that person. I’m extremely grateful, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not your
responsibility, Clara isn’t your responsibility. Your sister made her own—”
“Please don’t.” His pained eyes
closed and when they opened, a fierce control painted his face.
In the dimming blaze of the fire,
his jaws moved in the shadows, clinching in determination. “What are you
thinking?” I heard the plea in my voice and felt myself unraveling like spool
of unkempt yarn, frayed and wild.
Standing, he walked over to the
burning embers. Resting his forearm against the brick, he leaned in. “Nothing.”
What
is it with men?
There was only one way to get any
answers. Focusing on Jake, I probed and prodded for a way in. He was
concentrating on keeping me out, something I’d grown used to. Pushing through
the dense barrier of secrecy and seclusion, I felt a tug on my consciousness
and grasped at it. Willing myself into his mind I felt a rush of humility and
restraint.
Images flooded my head, comprised of
feelings and emotions so convoluted I could barely discern them, spiraling down
a whirlwind of past and present.
My
sheet clad form lying in Harper’s bed, stretching
and smiling, completely oblivious to Jake’s afflicted and envious thoughts from
the doorway. His emotions generating a disappointment in himself I could feel
like it was my own. He didn’t want to care.
Harper
and I together, my black hair draped over my shoulder and tucked behind my ear,
exposing my lips locked with the other man’s. A collision of concern and
disappointment swirling around us. A resolution to stop thinking of me washing
over him.
His eyes darted to mine, but he said
nothing and I continued concentrating.
Clara’s
delicate hands on his biceps, inviting him to follow her. A look of injury
plaguing her eyes as he pulled away with the shake of his head. His distrust
apparent, but unable bring himself to send her away.
My
crumpled, unconscious body heaving and pallid on the floor as he bent down to
pick me up. A venomous blame consumed him mixed with the acrid smell of vomit. “Find
her before I do!” He yelled, picking me up.
His
arm lying beside mine, blood draining from it into a plastic sack. The room
silent and sterile. The doctor’s grievous, shadowed eyes. Jake silently
pleading for the transfusion to work as desperation tore away at his control
and composure. My heart no longer beating and the sense of helplessness and
determination battling one another as he grasped for a single spark of hope.
Harper
laughing and pulling on my hair. My eyes on him, enchanted, as he walked away.
From the peripheral of my gaze, I
saw Jake’s eyebrows raise in anticipation, but I ignore him.
He
was distracted. Water clung to my clothes, hanging off my drenched form.
Raindrops dripped from my nose and ran down my neck. My collar bone basted in a
wet sheen he struggled to peel his eyes from.
His
arms around me, the scent of raspberry in my hair and my braid sticking to his
stubbled face. He was content, welcoming the amusement and diversion our
exercise brought. I twist and turn in his arms, a virile lust exciting him as
our bodies rubbed against one another.
His
hands dripped in blood, red stains saturating his clothes. A limp body in his
arms. A grief so strong it shreds his insides, regret and guilt whittling away
at the holes left in his empty heart.
A
tallish, blonde haired man stands there, a perfect picture of control, except
for a weathered look of concern settled in his pale blue eyes. Betrayal
permeating from Jake’s crumpled form.
“I didn’t know,” I said absently,
resending the invitation of his thoughts. There were too many of them and they
overwhelmed me.
“What?” He examined me.
“Any of it,” I said simply. Warm
tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, teetering on their rims. Unable to
distance myself from his thoughts, Jake’s agony filled my head and heart and it
was too heavy to swallow.
My words registered on his face and
a fleeting look of recognition and dejection fell upon his features. “Why would
you?” he said, walking towards the window, ominous darkness and shadows rustled
beyond it.
“But we’ve barely. . . .” My mind
searched for meaning and somehow the bickering with Jake, the argument with
Harper, it all seemed to fall into place. “Why would you tell Harper?”
“Tell him what?” He asked gruffly,
not bothering to look at me.
“About . . . anything. About how you
feel. I’m sorry,” I knew my intrusive mind was unwelcome. “I had to know.”
“Satisfied?” He asked cooley, not
looking at me.
I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but
I felt my body taking a step toward him. He looked at me through narrow, hard
eyes, “Don’t look at me like that,” he demanded. His tone was grave.
“Like what?” I couldn’t imagine what
my face portrayed after what I’d seen. “I owe you my life, Jake. Thank you for
saving me. I don’t know what else to say to you other than I will never be able
to thank you enough.”
Grabbing my clothes, I stumbled my
way towards to door, tired and clinging to the last of my buzz. “Goodnight,”
was all I said as I rounded the corner and made my way down the hall to my
quarters.
